If we listen well and a person feels heard, this helps them to feel calm. It also helps them listen to any help you may be able to offer. Thinking about how we use our body, mind and senses is a helpful way to learn to listen well:

Eyes – give the person your undivided attention.
Ears – listen to the words they use and the emotions they express.
Heart – listen with respect and a caring heart.
Body language – look interested by your body facing towards them and by showing interest by nodding and encouraging them.
Voice – show you are listening by paraphrasing what they say and check you have understood correctly. Ask both specific and open-ended questions.
Open-mind – defer judgment and avoid immediately disclosing your opinion, instead spend time asking more questions.
Observing-mind – Provide feedback. Reflect back the feelings they are showing, notice their body language.
Compassionate-mind – respond appropriately. Summarise what they have said to you and what they have disclosed that is important to them. Skilfully offer alternative suggestions when appropriate.

Tips of things to avoid:

Making assumptions– make sure you are hearing NOT inferring what a person is saying!
Deflecting – avoiding discomfort is a human reaction; but when we avoid hearing what someone is saying it can make them feel more isolated. Examples of how we deflect include:
- Focusingon tasks/operational issues instead of the lived experience
- Minimising an experience – ‘it could have been worse’
- Making this about you or someone else, e.g. taking about your own experiences
Forgetting boundaries – when we want to help someone it can be easy to step beyond the boundaries of our role. To support someone well, remember the limits of what you can provide. Examples of forgetting boundaries can include:
- ‘Becoming a counsellor’ – trying to analyse and solve problems beyond the scope of the PFA role
- Making yourself too available – ‘Call me anytime, I’m here whenever you need to talk’.
Increasing a sense of isolation in the other person – when a crisis has recently occurred or is ongoing and there is much to attend to, it can be easy to become unaware of how our behaviour may be increasing a sense of isolation and aloneness in another person. This will often cause the other person to feel even more unsafe. Examples of what can cause this include:
- Pretending to listen – such as appearing distracted, disinterested or rushed.
- Leaving them alone without a companion or way to reach out and easily connect with others.
- Letting people down – if you promise something to a person you have supported then you follow through with that action. E.g. if you say you will send an email with information on, you must ensure you complete that task. ‘I’m here whenever you need to talk – even at 3am!’.