Helping Others

Guidance for family & friends

It can be incredibly difficult when someone we care about is struggling with acute stress. It is often difficult to know what to do for the best

Three key principles to support another person in a helpful way are:

  1. Be there for that person
  2. Listen
  3. Offer practical help and guidance

1. Be there

Because historically we are tribal in nature, we have evolved so that being in another person’s presence influences how they feel. Your calm and compassionate presence can help, without you ever having to exchange a word of conversation. Consider:

  • Spending time with the traumatised person
  • Offering your assistance and a listening ear, even if they have not asked for help
  • Ensuring you keep yourself calm, grounded and able to feel compassion towards the other person
  • Getting comfortable with silence

2. Listen

Listening well helps people feel heard and understood; which in turn helps people feel less isolated and alone. This can involve:

  • Listening carefully – what words do they use, what emotions are they expressing?
  • Avoiding taking take their anger, or other feelings that they vent, personally
  • Listen to understand their experience, not fix the situation
  • Listen without interrupting – wait for them to pause

3. Offer practical help and guidance

After a traumatic experience our brain functions differently for a while, this means what seems easy or ‘logical’ to you, the other person may not have even considered. Offering simple, practical help and guidance can greatly assist:

  • Help them with everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, caring for the family, minding children
  • Offer to do the simple self-help and recovery activities with them – sit and do a breathing exercise together or go with them on a walk.
  • Signpost them to where further help may be available, and if they need support to make a call or attend an appointment, support them with that if you can
  • Give them some private time

Final piece of advice: Never tell them they are ‘lucky it wasn’t worse’; a traumatised person is not consoled by those statements. Instead, tell them you are sorry such an event occurred and that you want to understand and assist them.